Chaos

Life can be soo full of chaos! Sometimes I don't know how I am going to continue raising my daughter as she gets closer to teenage years and I already have a really tough time! I know that I really need to buckle down and be more proactive and focus more so that things don't blow up in my face and the house, but lately I have not done this as I should! Boy do I pay the price! First I know I need to be in the WORD!! Without that time with God I am walking on egg shells just waiting for a bust! Yes I know this is the first thing I need to do.. so I do well with it until my hubby comes home. I don't try to lay God's word or Him to the side, just seems I spend all my time with my hubby and kids.. not that there is anything wrong with that in itself, but I know I still need to be spiritually fed so I need to do better... for me, my family, my home!
I have to keep my calm and peace so that I can be a peacemaker esp. with my children. I know the main thing is that I need to die to myself and my needs and stop being selfish, focusing on my children before me. This is my calling and what God has placed in my life. I know I need to take it seriously! Things seem to be going well, and the BAM! I am hit hard with so much! The problem that always makes things worse is when I have a bad attitude, and My anger and MY feelings heighten the blow up even more, causing more of a blow up! This has been a struggle and prayer. I have to surrender daily for me to overcome and I do not always stay consistent in this as I should.
Then the hubby goes back to work and all heck seems to break loose! It is as if all of a sudden I have no time with my older daughter and she goes haywire as a result.. just seems there is more disobedience, disrespect etc and it can drive me nuts sometime!! And I love her to death and love how much of a girl she is, but it can really be trying when there is constant drama/emotion/talking!! I know if I were just to start my day in the Bible, prayer and surrender, thinking of others beside myself things would be much better.. maybe this should once again be a clue of how badly I need to continue in that walk, even when my hubby is home, and esp. before he leaves again! I know I am not the only one who is dealing with the attitudes I get, but I know that I can control the situation better if I am walking right and focusing. I know I need to focus to have effective parenting!!
Lord, help me to be a better follower of your example!! Please give me the desire to continue in your word no matter what my circumstances are! Restore the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit/mind/thoughts/desires in me! Lord help me to love and view my children as you do and to walk in that love and kindness. Please give me peace from the inside out and wisdom beyond measure. Help me to balance my time so that I include both girls and really pay attention to both even when one seems a lot more independent than the other. Help me to be proactive and to focus on the work you have called me to and are doing through me. Please open my ears to hear, my eyes to see and help me to listen to your still small voice.. or be loud and clear, whatever to get my attention. Help me to shut my mouth and walk away instead of giving into frusteration or anger! I surrender all to you and pray that you would direct my foosteps according to your way and let no sin rule over me. Please forgive me for acting out in anger and for causing any hurt in my words or actions in any way! Thank you for you love, forgiveness, grace, mercy and your awesome hand in my life! Without you I am and have NOTHING! I need you more than anything in my life and above all else. Be the center of my life, the head of this family and this home! Bring unity, love, wisdom and obedience in this home and please continue to teach this family everything about you. Help us all to grow closer to you and to be vessels you would use to minister you love, grace and salvation to others.
I love you sweet Jesus!!
Praise your name!
Your daughter